What if they gave a play and nobody came? [mild in-jokes]

Calling Home
A telephone monologue: A guy calling home from college.

Cancer Man
Sung to the tune of Piano Man. [x-files in-jokes]

A comedy of errors told as a string of answering machine messages.

Where the Villains Hang Out
Ever wonder where the bad guys go when they're not terrorizing the good guys?

Weekly World News
Two young people chat in a grocery line. A fragment of a romantic comedy I never wrote.

Portrait of the Chelsea Writer as a Children's Writer
Some ideas I had for children's books.

CMC, yeah, yeah, yeah
Musical set at my college's computer center. [in-jokes]

Clueless at Carleton
My first Chelsea script. [severe in-jokes]

Coming Attractions
Upcoming movies...or are they? [no in-jokes, but it's a bit out of date]

When Saga Workers Attack
A worker at the college cafeteria goes a little nuts. [in-jokes]

Sick, Evil and Disney
A janitor discovers a Disney plot to take over the world.

Nothing Sacred
Written post-Hunchback, this is how Disney would animate other classic novels.

Don't Cry for Me, Minnesota
(Song parody) Evita moves north. [in-jokes]

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom
What if Indiana Jones were an economist instead of an archaeologist?

Green Eggs and What?
Discover the underlying message of Green Eggs and Ham.

Breakfast Epiphanies
Conversation fragments unearthed under the influence of cafeteria food. [in-jokes]

Breakfast Epiphanies 2: With a Vengeance
More breakfast epiphanies.

The Prince, the Princess, and the Evil World, (and oh yeah, there's an evil witch and a talking frog, too.)
Fairy tale characters discover the real world.

Someone call the Weekly World News!
A college freshman discovers he has an unusual roommate.

Dancing on Tainted Shoes
A really strange Indiana Jones parody. [in-jokes]

What happened to Velma (from Scooby-Doo) after the gang broke up. My favorite of the scripts I've written.

That's My Name
A monologue by a guy who's cursed by songs.

Stopping by the Lounge on a Study Evening
With apologies to Robert Frost.

What's your Major?
An exploration of what you can do with different college majors.

No More Monkeys
The old parable about the infinite monkeys, told from the monkeys' viewpoint.

Like, oh, my gosh, it's a death-dealing kitchen appliance!
Three interspersing monologues: A 14-year-old girl, a Cuisinart and the Bubonic Plague speak out.

Have a Nice Flight
What the flight attendents say when they don't think you're paying attention.

And Another Thing...
My very last Chelsea script. [in-jokes]

Know what I mean?
People who can only speak in euphemisms.

An Unoffensive Script
The authors try to write a script that won't offend anyone. [in-jokes]

One Last Saga Script
My last script making fun of the cafeteria, before I gave it up for good. [mild in-jokes]

Student-Directed Learning Community (formerly known as Shared Interest Areas) Application for 1999-2000
An application to start a somewhat unorthodox theme house. [in-jokes, but worth it]

Small Part
A script with some very interesting characters.

Psych Majors in Love
What happens when two psych majors fall in love?

College seniors reminisce.

Scheduling Difficulties
Two college students try to schedule a time to meet.

The Show Must Go On
A pun-laden script about New York shows.

Ring, Ring
What I did when a telemarketer woke me up.

This Just In
The latest news.

Son Of This Just In
More of the latest news.

Grandson Of This Just In
Even more of the latest news.

To be...or something else
Shakespeare translated.

Press Release
The dreadful effects of a typo in the company newsletter.

Vader Knows Best
Star Wars as a cheesy '50s sitcom.

Contacting Me
I love to hear from readers!
AIM: DHarrisWarrick
ICQ: 99905127
Yahoo IM: traveller6
IRC: DanHW on Dalnet
Whose Faulty Vision sites
It only gets Better.....if you kill yourself
(the Whose Faulty Vision photo gallery)
Chelsea and the Oracle
(my other writings)
Qualifier Inputs Arkansas City
The Whose Faulty Vision Proem Generator