When will Celine Dion's heart STOP? Hasn't it been going on and on long enough by now?
question by Dan Harris-Warrick, answer by an anonymous incarnation
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most wise, please tell this lowly worm of a supplicant...
> When will Celine Dion's heart STOP? Hasn't it been going on and on
> long enough by now?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} IPNA Report 10/23/98 14:24pm
} -----------------------------------------------------------
} Indiana, USA. Scientists have reported that a perpetual motion machine
} has been discovered in the chest of singer Celine Dion. Physicist Dr
} Steve Kinzler said "We measured the energy being produced by the
} beating of her heart, and measured the energy consumed by the organ. We
} found that the energy produced exceeded the energy consumed by a ratio
} of 1.15. Clearly, perpetual motion has been achieved."
} Perpetual heart beating is said to be linked to a lukewarm fusion
} reaction in the aorta. Fusion in the organs of popular entertainers has
} been a 'holy grail' for scientists since the early 60s when the idea
} was first mooted. Previous attempts required such high pressures and
} temperatures that the energy consumed was far in excess of the energy
} produced. As an example, in 1974 the spleen of Jimmy Page was heated to
} 3200 degrees centigrade, and subjected to pressures 100 times higher
} than the water pressure at the bottom of the deepest ocean trench.
} Scientists observed the telltale signs of organic fusion. But, the
} experiment on Celine Dion's heart was conducted at her normal body
} temperature, and could result in a cheap renewable energy source that
} could supply humanity's energy needs in the next millenium. "Even with
} the results that we have, the kidneys and livers of The Spice Girls
} alone could power a fridge for a week." said Dr Kinzler.
} Dr Kinzler reported that the next aim for his research group was to
} investigate 'cold fusion' by experimenting on the appendix of Bjork,
} the 'Ice Maiden'. "Either that or we'll invite her around the lab and
} make whoopie".
} You owe The Oracle Ringo Starr's lungs, a power cable, and an electric
} toothbrush.

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