What should I do to deliberately fail a physics exam?
question by an anonymous supplicant, answer by Dan Harris-Warrick
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most wise, who knows everything and has never had to deal with
> this particular problem;
>
> About two years ago I decided to major in physics. Having missed a
> couple of hundred early morning lectures, it seems that I don't
> actually understand any of it - I put everyone else's midterm marks way
> above average by writing 'I am a fish' on the paper - and will be
> switching to philosophy next year. My problem now is all about failing
> in style.
>
> I was considering just not turning up to the final, but that's not
> really enough fun.
> I downloaded a list of '50 fun things to do in exams', but the only one
> that looks any good is showing up completely drunk, and I've done that
> before anyway.
>
> What should I do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Go into the final exam, and wait until about halfway through, just when
} everybody's starting to wonder whether they'll get done in time. Then
} stand up on your desk, put on a pair of cool shades, and start rapping:
}
} Yo, yo, yo!
} I'm MC Squared and I'm here to say
} That Force is equal to Mass times A.
} Went cruisin' with my homies near the speed of light
} Got back, it was next Saturday night.
} I ain't no O.G. but I'll have you know
} That pullin' down on me is One G, 'ro.
} (That's 9.8 meters per second squared...punk.)
} Told cool cats in my crowd 'bout the Schroedinger jive
} Now they ain't even sure if they really alive.
} Now thermodynamics force me to say
} That all o' this is gonna end someday.
}
} Then just do the "beep box" until someone hauls you off.
}
} You owe the Oracle Einstein's demo tape from when he had aspirations to
} be a singer.

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